ONE NIGHT STAND

Before you think that I’m getting into a dangerous territory on writing about the mischievous and audacious adventures which raise eyebrows, I want to set it straight.The one night stand here is a one which has a bed but instead of a girlfriend there are books.

When one lays on a bed besides books there is hardly any sensuous feeling but there is a similarity between this one night stand and the one of popular perception and that is at the end the person involved gets screwed(by books in this case).

One night stand is apparently a one night stunt ; the dreaded night before an exam where one has to study as there is no other choice left. It is the(only) night when  an n-p-n transistor excites more than  Megan Fox in a bikini, when boolean algebra invades your mind more than the flavor of vodka  you had a night ago, when Isaan Newton beats Hugh Hefner and when the length of the transmission line has more significance than the length of Maria Sharapova’s skirt!

It is the night of extreme significance like the judgement night for engineers who like booze more than books.It is the last impetus to pull off a semester with an infinite probability of non occurrence(though I know that probability lies from[0,1])

So, how does a one night stand really span out.Based on our observations of 15 years of academic life, it goes something like this:

THE LAST AFTERNOON

12 NOON:  Wake up.

12.30 PM:  Take bath.

2.00 PM:    A hearty lunch followed by a nap.

THE LAST EVENING

4.00PM:  Waking up; opening books for the first time in the semester.

6.00PM:   zzzzzzzzz……

THE LAST NIGHT

8.00PM:   Finally Up, sms to your best friend(read geek) ’whats the syllabus, jaldi reply kar’

Half an hour later a 7000 word reply appears on your cell like a knife piercing through your chest.You hope there would be a winking smiley below that sms saying ’just kidding’, but in vain.

Another sms goes ‘bro, important waale chapters bata de’.Now there is an sms with 6900 characters below which its written in capital letters ‘waise saare chapters important hai’.

9.00PM:  So, okay you realize that you can pull it off.Though it is the height of pseudo-optimism, you feel like the one genius never born to see the light on this planet ; ready to challenge the same colossal agglomeration of perplexing text (read books) that took the prof. six months(and still couldn’t complete) and the author a decade or more perhaps apparently after which he died and we engineers have to complete it in one day, rather one night.This could blow the guts of any commerce, arts or medical student, but we engineers are made of some harder stuff.

20 minutes later:  With every half a page you exchange 100 text messages.But, even at this time you feel like taking a break.The gray cells of your cerebrum are just getting used to the white and black text books.What a contrast, the brain thinks!

12.00 midnight:  2500 messages later the 25 page chapter finally ends.You feel elated.The feeling is same as that of Barack Obama after killing Osama bin Laden.As the midnight strikes, the syllabus rises exponentially and the messages get shorter each time.Example ‘do dis dis and dis’, ‘kitna kiya’,’ lagi padhi hai yaar’ and finally ‘:o’ (sic).

1.OOAM-3.OOAM:  This is the most important phase, you can either make it or break it.As the silence spreads all over, the spirit of engineering rises from inside(literally, all those engineers who died while battling through B.Tech rise from their graves).In fact, in a baffling manner you break all the boundaries of human competency and study even more than the geeky University toppers who enjoy exams more than their birthdays and rave parties.

Now, with just 4 hours of sleep available(the bare minimum that I need before an exam), you dig into the bed. Relief and jubilance all around.The bizarre relief of succeeding in something that was a far fetched dream just a few hours back.The hibernation period of 4 hours (read zzzzzzz…) commences.The one night stunt ends but what remains is ‘D-Day’.

THE NEXT DAY

10.00AM(Examination Hall):   With unparalleled grit and undeterring resolve to score 50 marks(yes, our lunatic University has a pass % of 50), you take the question paper from the invigilator.Just one aim flashes in front of your blurry eyes:Pass.

Just when you are about to read the first question, someone shouts ‘yeh question paper hamaara hai kya’.The decorum of the room and your mind gets disturbed.These words are enough to break the pseudo-confidence that thrived your brain, enough to change the aim of your life, enough to classify you as a loser.Mission Impossible.

The cerebrum says,’Shit’.But the heart says, ‘You’re an engineer.Apply the theory of jugaad’.The theory states that,’If the question is so bizarre that you don’t know what the answer is, assume that the checker too doesn’t apply sanity while checking your copy.Hence, write anything that could end up perplexing the checker that you’re right correct’.

Using the theory all the questions are dealt with an highly engineered fashion.As you’re busy fabricating answers that could make even Einstein shriek with dismay, the guy behind says, ‘Bas kar be, Mahabharat nahi likhni’.Thus, the ordeal ends.The performance in exam is judged on the basis of the blank sheets left…..Mission Accomplished.

In this way something that was appearing to be far beyond the horizon is attained and transformed into a success story(in most cases).

Guys, a one night stand is not the ideal way of studying, it won’t make you ace the college or anything, but it certainly gives you peace for many nights ahead, so its worth the effort.All the nerds who haven’t tried it must give it a try.Though don’t blame the authors for the consequences!

Written for all engineers who sacrifice their one night of numerous exciting possibilities to study for a boring exam.

Anubhav Tyagi and Udit Bhatia

Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University